I've begun tango recently, and have been introduced (ok... experienced) being a 'tango wallflower' a couple of times.
By the way, to those who don't know what a wallflower is, Wikipedia defies it as: In social situations, a wallflower is a shy or unpopular individual who doesn't socialize or participate in activities at social events. He or she may have other talents but usually does not express them in the presence of other individuals. The term comes from the image of a person isolating themselves from areas of social activities at ballroom dances and parties, where the people who did not wish to dance (or had no partner) remained close to the walls of the dance hall.
AKA a wallflower is a girl who is not asked to dance a lot!!!!
The 20 million dollar question I would like people to please ponder: why are some women more wallflower-ish than others? Can a women do anything to be non wallflower-ish?
Not pleasant I can tell you!
I understand what you say, and I will try to help, from view of lead.
I would suggest the following:
1. Sit by yourself in an obvious spot and look like you are awaiting. Some women sit talking to others, and I understand this, but some man feels uncomfortable at interrupting.
2. Dress nice and sexy. I apologise if this is not nice to say, but as a man, I dress always very well, in a nice jacket, etc, so I try to dress for the woman (ok I may not dress so sexy ;) but I dress nice).
3. Some places it is very clicky and men will only ask followers they know. Even though I am a man, I hate places like that, as it is very unfair on new women.
4. Sometimes ask a man to dance. I know it is unusual, but sometimes it is very nice for the man.
5. When you dance, be very forgiving with the man (don't worry, he knows through your body language!). He will ask you again at another time! Women who can't handle my mistakes, I never ask again, because they are judgmental and I just want to enjoy myself.
First of all, I applaud you for jumping into tango. You are in for a wonderful journey where you are going to grow as woman and as a person. As you get better and better in dancing, start making changes to yourself, healthy changes-
When I go tango dancing- it is a totally different me, I dress up like you wouldn't imagine. Hair, makeup, dress, shoes, even attitude. I transform not in a snobbish way but this is my play time, fun time, dancing time. I love to dance.
Discover your own beauty. BUT discover you inner and outer beauty- both! It doesn't help if you are just beautiful on the outside but have a nasty personality- true beauty is inner and outer.
Renounce that you will stay as a wallflower. Come into your beauty. Good Luck!
Elle I'm not sure if that is fair to ask Ena to renounce her nasty personality.
Maybe Ena has a beautiful personality?
Being a tango wallflower is more complicated than rejoicing in tango and feeling good about yourself.
Oh, you have me all wrong Nancy, maybe I did not communicate myself correctly.
I (personally) think she is already beautiful, I am simply saying to enhance what she already has inside of her. I know I haven't walked in her shoes but if she really wants to learn to dance tango, I had to come out of my shell.
I can speak from my own experience, I have been dancing since I was 3 years old, I am a mature 47 year old woman that will be dancing until I cannot dance no more. I am trained in modern dance, tap, ballet folkorico, lyrical, salsa, cumbia, bachata, samba, norteno, fox trot, country western, paso doble, swing, rumba, danzon, and I can do a little hip hop. I also teach senior citizen in the community dance. I have always been "the bigger dancer" Up until now I have never weigh 130 pounds. I was a very good dancer and solo dancer but always self-conscious of my weight.
I am not here to debate or fight per say, simply to offer my own tango experience. I still struggle with the dance. It is one of the most difficult dances I have ever tried to learn and humbling because even with all my dancing experience I struggle. But I enjoy dancing so much that I will continue until I find a way to conquer it.
Some wonderful replies to this thread I see.
Some rules to avoid being a wall flower:
1. Get out there. Sit by yourself, obviously looking for a dance.
2. Practice a lot. Good dancers get lots of dances.
3. Go to classes a lot and be very gracious and friendly to leads. TELL THEM (half jokingly) you expect a dance. They will be comfortable asking you (and in fact will want to).
4. Dress sexy.
5. When all else fails, ask a lead for a dance. Why not!
There was a lot of advice already but I'll throw in another one: as a very (?) new dancer, don't expect to dance when Milonga is in a full swing. Come early and leave early, go to pre-Milonga lesson. You will develop more and more relationships this way and more and more people will see and later dance with you.
I too am at the wallflower stage but I've been able to understand very quickly that the man does all of the leading and the dance is much harder for him so I suspect that men who know the dance well do not want to spend their time teaching newbies-no matter how beautiful and well dressed I am. I've been getting asked more since my skills have increased and I'm showing I am enjoying it more. I can't blame the man for this, since the men seem always to outnumber women at every dance and therefore are quite in demand. I don't mean any of this in a bad or negative way. It just motivates me to practice so that I can be very enjoyable to dance with.......just sayin!