not asked to dance all night in a milonga

classic Classic list List threaded Threaded
5 messages Options
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

not asked to dance all night in a milonga

verytangostore
Administrator
I'm a newbie in tango.
The other night I went to a milonga and - wo is me!-  but nobody asked me all night. It was so depressing.
Is this me, is there something I can do about it?
What are other's thoughts about it?
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: not asked to dance all night in a milonga

Eduardo
Hi
From a man's perspective I will try to answer this, but of course it is only from a man.
1. Talking to my woman friends, all women have this - sometimes they will be asked to dance a lot, and sometimes not at all. So it happens to everyone.
2. As a man, I don't care how good or bad the woman dances (REALLY!). All I care about is that she is non-judgmental and tries to make me feel good (and vise versa). As a man I feel it very strongly when I don't dance perfectly, and the woman gets irritated - I will not ask her to dance again.
3. I like to dress up for the women and I hope the women will dress up for me. So keep this in mind.
4. Sometimes the milonga you go to will be very clicky - everyone will know each other. So this might be the reason.
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: not asked to dance all night in a milonga

Elle
In reply to this post by verytangostore
Here's the truth.  I have been to Baires 4 years, I have an apartment over there and we have friends, and frequent the old milongas- traditional ones.  I have been a ballet folklorico dancer for 20 years dancing experience, dancing by myself- tango very difficult for me but I will conquer it.

Anyway,  this is not what I think of myself but what people tell me, I have a beautiful face and features, curvy body- I am Hispanic, and a great smile.

Looks unfortunately do matter, body does matter and the way you dress, attitude, confidence does matter.  Men are men.  I also notice they go for the young ones.

I love to dance and one time my husband gave permission to  an acquaintance (older man) to dance with me and it was a nightmare.  I was a newbie at that time and he was so arrogant, thought he was a "GOD' on the dance floor, I made a couple of mistakes, and he would literally get mad at me.  I am a lady but I will not tolerate crude behavior towards me like that, I would much rather dance with a man that has a good, peaceful energy, vibe, semi-good dancer where I can learn to dance- Patience.

Maybe change your look a little, try sitting in the singles area but in a different location.  If you must hire a Taxi dancer.  I am a dancer and I hate to sit all night long and not dance.  It is torture!  

My husband is an excellent tango dancer but we do not dance a lot and it is very frustrating to me.

I do not know what else to suggest- change you look, more up to date, change your attitude- confidence, smile, strut, change milongas- same people hang out.  I also use spend time practicing in the escuelas de baile de argentina- I always had a partner there.  Good Luck!
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: not asked to dance all night in a milonga

Gustavo
In reply to this post by verytangostore
As another user pointed out, that is not uncommon.  It sort of goes with the territory, especially in the more clique-ish Milongas.  Here are some tips that might help:

1) Ask your community members which Milongas are the friendliest and go to those.

2) Sit in a prominent location and make eye contact with men.  This tells them that you're friendly and ready to dance.

3)Be sensitive to the cabaceo.  If you weren't making eye contact, you might never have noticed that men were attempting to do the cabaceo with you.  It could be you were actually being "asked" all night long and didn't even know it! I normally ask for tandas via the cabaceo. Once one is accustomed to it, it is the least awkward way of setting up a tanda with a stranger.  (Cabaceo=head knod or glance towards the dance floor, etc., indicating a willingness to dance.)

4) Ask the staff to dance with you.  They probably will be delighted.  They want their milonga to succeed, after all.

5) Find female leaders at the milonga and ask them to lead you.  That may be less intimidating than approaching a male.

6) Learn to lead yourself and ask other ladies to follow.

7) Lastly, but not least by any means, ask men to dance! Yes, you read right.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking a man to dance.  Where is it written otherwise?  Ask the guys who seem to be (or are reported to be) nice or gracious.  Ask the guys who smile a lot and seem friendly and outgoing.  If you are turned down, well, now you know how we men feel.
 
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: not asked to dance all night in a milonga

Gardel
Maybe you are not good dancer. Men look at women dancing as women look at men dancing. After they will ask women to dance or do eye contact  and cabeceo.  I don't dance with bad dancers as women don't dance with bad leaders.